that’s just what we need to do.
July 15, 2011
Beach Fossils – Golden Age
I walked because I could. Because no one was expecting me. I walked despite the aching protestations of my knees, despite knowing little of my destination, if I had one at all.
One of these walks ended atop an apartment building with alarm sensors.
I walked to watch people watching other people.
And for paella.
Another walk was for some seriously popular chicken & waffles . Our patience was kindly rewarded with beignets.
Like some walks, this one ended with a nap.
In a place I called Eden. (some may call it Tilden Park)
And in the midst of slumber, a child’s voice called.
“Mom! What are those people doing?”
“They’re relaxing honey.”
“Whhyyyyy?!”
“Because sometimes that’s just what we need to do.”
Bon Iver – Towers
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modernative 
Wow! I LOVE Tilden Park. Were you there for vacation, or have you relocated to the Bay Area?
Even though gentrification is metastisizing throughout the East Bay–it sucked the life out of SF long ago–there are parts of Oakland and Berkeley that still devastate me with their beauty. That includes the innumerable vistas in places like Tilden Park as well as those parts of Oakland that white people often use in the same sentence as the term “inner-city blight”. When I lived in SF, my friends and I took a trip to the East Bay and wound up in the Oakland Hills atop one of the many peaks the San Andreas fault had been kind enough to create for us. As I gazed at the Bay Area spread out beneath me, I will never forget how my mood shifted from one of awe and elation to one of longing–longing for the promise of what that view symbolized coupled with the knowledge that I would never inhabit that promise…I have spent years trying to articulate precisely what that promise was, but I still cannot give it a name. The yearning was both agonizing and exquisite. I wish I could tell you exactly what the object of that yearning was.
I hope you are your boyfriend are doing well. Whenever I think about you, I wonder if you are filled with joy. I wonder if you have finally developed confidence, a quality that, paradoxically, the truly brilliant often find nealy impossible to cultivate. I wonder if the earth is repaying you in kind for the beauty you bring to it in so many ways…like when you share conversation with someone who will remember it for life…or your gift for creating a comfortable silence that overflows with meaning…or how you can make someone feel special by making food to share with them in the car on the road to Urbana.
Killer says hello. I would love to hear about the amazing things you are undoubtedly doing with your life. I still have the email address I had at the university, and I can’t think of anything that would make me happier than to hear from you.
Know that you are enveloped by love regardless of external circumstances.
It was surprising to find such primitive land so close to the city. And I’m not sure if it’s the way the sun shines, the foliage that carpets every surface, or the scale of the landscape and the context it lends, but it’s just the place for me to regroup. I’ll be moving soon, will write you.